There are times in life when we experience painful events and loss that seems insurmountable. As time passes we may see things differently as the pain seems to fade slightly. When one has open heart surgery to save their life, the procedure leaves a telling scar. It is a constant reminder of a moment in time that took place altering their physical appearance forever. In the same way, when we have a relationship end and there is a separation, there is also a scar made although it is unseen.
I have been asked many times how long does it takes when someone goes through a breakup to get over it. Get over it? It, being a human being that spoke words of love and encouragement, one who shared dreams and laughter, perhaps even the birth of a child? To get over the pain of one who was trusted and now has betrayed that trust is not something that can happen overnight. There is a process that takes place that is similar to grieving the death of a loved one. Yet this grief comes with no funeral service being held. The death of their dreams together, desires, and love that was once held deep in their heart has no burial, leaving unfinished business.
I personally know the heart felt pain from suffering crushing blows as one standing in a boxing ring, hands tied while never ending assaults continually strike. Not able to defend myself, my mouth was kept closed to assure no one could hear as my heart cried silent screams. My eyes blinded by tears for I could no longer see a way out. My heart broken as a shattered window pain, chard’s of glass scattered all over the floor. The abuser broke the glass and demanded I fix the window while screaming, “Put it back together again”, and continuing to throw more punches. Yes, I know the pain first hand of abuse; I also know the healing touch of the Heart Mender within. Remember, abusers can come from many backgrounds and relationships, from toxic parents, spouses, male and female, children, co-workers, even employers.
I question how can one who endures the pain of a rattlesnake bite, dare to think they can dance with that snake again and not get bit? We desperately want things to be different in a relationship when things go wrong, especially if children are involved. There are times when things can be resolved. Forgiveness and restoration is a beautiful experience for those who can work out their differences. There are also times when we need to recognize there are certain people in life who are not trustworthy. Many times they are the ones who come in pretty packages, nicely built, with beautiful eyes and smiling faces; yet they are some of the most dangerous to get involved with. Why? No one really knows that answer.
One common mistake many of us make in life is trying to deal with our past experiences. Although we may acknowledge the fact we cannot change history; we may also attempt to undue the pain of the past by trying to work it out on a similar problem in the present. We may find we are still getting in abusive or other types of relationships that are painful. Our subconscious thoughts may be involved thinking if we can make this relationship work right somehow it will fix the problems we had in our past relationships.
Life is very complex and has many dynamics that come in to play when dealing with relationships of any kind. When our heart is being touched and trust is being extended to another individual we become vulnerable. One of our basic needs is to love and belong to others. When we have healthy boundaries and make good choices to fill our needs we can enjoy the life we are created to have. If we find ourselves in a place of pain, suffering a broken heart and need a helping hand, it is a good thing to reach out for support.
There are many ways to find help in this beautiful world we live in. Loved ones, family, friends, pastors, counselors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and life coaches, all may provide assistance.
As a Heart Mender Specialist, I have been trained as a marriage and family therapist, psychologist, life coach and consultant. Although I have degrees hanging on my wall for Organizational Leadership and Psychology, I combine the biological, psychological and spiritual dynamics together as appropriate for each individual’s request.
Using all my skills combined, I work with others to get to the core issue of their challenges and bring them up to the fore front of their thinking to receive healing and to mend the broken heart. As the past floods the present, we begin directing the overflow of negative emotions in to create positive ways to re-direct thoughts, thus bringing calmness in the midst of the storms of life.