Dealing With Disappointments?

There are times in life when we find ourselves having high expectations, only to experience painful disappointments. What do we do when our hopes are dashed? What can we say when our desires were dismissed and our dreams crushed? Living in a world that is filled with many challenges, it is not hard to find those who would declare that they have broken hearts. Relationships shredded from the pain of infidelity, or finances lost through bad choices or gambling are just a few of the destructive forces in our society today. The loss of a loved one through an unexpected death, a divorce, or just relationships drifting apart, they have the same consequence or end result. A broken heart feels like it will never heal. There is a faulty belief system producing the thoughts there no hope of enjoying life or having any happiness ever again. It is true, the pain is incredible, and the thought process is faulty thinking in many ways. As a Heart Mender Specialist I can testify things can and do change for the better. One of the first steps is to begin writing (journaling) on a daily basis to help process some of the thoughts that are bombarding our minds. In addition, it is very beneficial to contact someone who is trustworthy as well as confidential. Once that is set in place, one can begin talking about circumstances that led up to the challenges at hand. This can be a trusted friend, pastor, counselor, life coach, or like myself; one trained as a Heart Mender Specialist. The good news is that there is hope and healing available for those who are hurting. Negative stigmas are created that stimulate shame or fear if someone desires to get counseling. It is my desire to assist in making a paradigm shift, from thinking about mental health problems to thinking how to be healthy mentally. My job is to assist in the exposure of faulty belief systems that set us up for failure. In addition, I will reframe unhealthy mindsets to begin the healing process while watching others grow to their fullest potential in peace and happiness.

5 thoughts on “Dealing With Disappointments?

  1. All of our reality exists between our ears. This is where the stars twinkle, the wind blows, memories are fixed, and time and space is plastic. Our memories and thoughts are mostly a churning and re-churning of past experiences and imagined projections to the future. Rarely are we fully present in the here and now, appreciating our very existence. Our churning mind tends to overwhelm the innocent newborn present unfolding right now. Our churning mind can swirl us into a mental trap, where we become the victim of some outside force beyond our control. We feel helpless and confused. The way out of that trap is by changing our thoughts. With help, we can positively change our thoughts; we can perceive our reality from a different angle; new doors open, new horizons beckon, scary old dark spaces are filled with new light, fruitless fantasies are abandoned, and confusion is replaced with understanding and direction. This is all possible because all of our reality exists between our ears.

  2. If disappointment ruins our disposition, ask how that disappointment invaded our peace. Did we set our goals too high? Did we expect too much from someone? Did we fail to consider all possible outcomes? Disappointment can be triggered by so many things; but we must remember that we set ourselves up for disappointment.

    “Expect nothing and accept everything and you will never be disappointed.”

    If I go to the coast to enjoy a sunny beach, I might find foggy weather instead; rather than let disappointment take control of my outlook, I can choose to accept that the weather at the coast is capricious, and adapt to it, perhaps by making other plans. That’s easy.

    When the stakes are greater it gets harder. Let’s say I need income and plan to start a business, but it never gets off the ground because of government red tape, bank loan refusals, and equipment failures. It is my choice to be disappointed and blame these obstacles for ruining my life; or I could choose to try to overcome these obstacles with dogged determination and alternative ideas; or I could sell my business plan to someone, or partner with someone, who has better connections and resources; or I could downsize the plan to be more viable; or I could shelve the plan altogether and accept the fact that this business plan is not realistic for me.

    Expecting nothing and accepting everything, I’ll admit, is easier said than done.

  3. When I pondered this subject again I came up with a series of connections:

    Disappointment is the failure of expectation; expectation is rooted in order; order makes the world safe and predictable; we wish for a safe and predictable world as a survival mechanism; a survival mechanism is a death-denying defense; death anxiety is our existential dread of obliteration, annihilation, nonexistence, nothingness and non-being.

    If chronic disappointment plagues us, perhaps we should examine and bring to light the underlying existential dread we have suppressed. Since early in life we all have buried our dread of death with layer upon layer of death-denying protective myths, such as the myth that we are special (we will cheat death), or that we will live forever in an afterlife (or be reincarnated) or through our children or be recycled into the Earth’s web of life. No matter which myth we employ the dreadful thought of obliteration, annihilation, nonexistence, nothingness and non-being still plagues us. Self awareness through talk therapy should allow the disappointment to ease off; illuminating deep dark fears may be the way to break down chronic disappointment.

  4. I am so I impressed with you Momma, and very proud of everything you have accomplished! We are growing old together, and just getting started! Xoxo

  5. Getting rid of all faulty thinking, “looking at my own life in truth and love, changing my reality and results,” made this in the first person, quoted from our book “The Healing Code”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *